If you have a baby girl, pause and ask yourself the following questions:
Do you constantly feel embarrassed with your girl baby's lack of hair?
Are you sick of people telling you that your "baby boy" is beautiful?
Do you wish you could teach your daughter as early as possible that her own hair and natural looks are superbly disappointing to you?
Do you want to teach her, before she can even talk, that women must supplement their beauty if it's not up to society's standards?
Do you wish there was something you could DO about it?
(I mean, besides the obvious answer of WAITING for hair to grow in...but who wants to do that?)
If you answered "yes" to any of the questions above, then have I found the product for YOU!
Enter...
BABY BANGS.
It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like.
An itty bitty hairpiece--to cover up your infant's ugly bald head. Because we all know that women don't enough to fret about, what with body image/photoshop/etc! And we might as well start our daughters out knowing that they are definitely not good enough as is--not just letting them figure it out gradually from peer pressure, advertisments, and sexualized pop star role models. Why wait until their adolescent years?
But wait--there's more. Baby Bangs' website says their hair pieces are "sure to grab comments from friends, family, and even strangers!" Sure, they may not be the comments you're looking for ("Why does that baby look like fur is sprouting from her head?" or "Is that...genetic? Or is it...um...contagious?" or even "Bob! Cover the children's eyes! They shouldn't have to see this!"), but hey, popularity is popularity!
Also, can you imagine the awkwardness and/or alarm that would happen if you saw a baby's hair falling off their head?
"Hey, uh, Susan...I think something is...uh...happening on little McKainley's head."
"Oh! Oops--" *frantically adjusting baby wig* "--ah, there we go. All better. Now did you say you were going to enter 6 month-old Kaylee in this year's Grand Ultimate Supreme Southern Celebrity All-Stars American Girl's Pageant? I think this hairpiece--uh, I mean, I think her hair is really going to get me--I mean us--that Ultimate Grand Supreme title this time."
"Yeah, I might be tempted to. Her flipper just got here yesterday, and we all know there's nothing cuter than a 6 month-old with a full set of teeth, am I right? And I think Jeb is finally ready to mortgage the house for this, I mean he knows--oh, Susan, her...hair...it's sliding to the right again."
"Darn it! It just won't stay put! I wonder if super glue might do the trick. *sigh* The things us women do for beauty!"
I am 99% positive this was invented by someone in the Toddlers & Tiaras circle. I mean, something this atrocious could only come from that. They dress their babies up like dolls, for goodness' sake!
The other thing I am 99% positive about: this video was dubbed over with more flattering captions by the Baby Bang ladies themselves (note it was posted by them), because I'm pretty sure Tyra was making fun of the headpieces. Which just makes Baby Bang's desperation all the funnier. Take look, and notice how the "descriptions" cover up people's reactions at juuuuuust the right times.
I tried searching for the original clip, but all to no avail. :(
UPDATE: my genius sister-in-law Aubrey came to my rescue, and it is even better than I could have imagined...
Behold, the original clip:
Well, THAT tells quite a different story. It just makes watching the original edit even better. (Seriously, you should go re-watch it now.) I'm pretty sure the whole internet should know about this.
If you'd like a good laugh, you can hop over to their website and explore through the many wonders there, including "The F*Hair*y Tale" of how this grandmother/mother/granddaughter trio came up with this harebrained (or should it be "hair" brained?) idea.
Also, this post from Jezebel about the situation is worth a good read.
Yeesh.
(This pin discovered from Kristen Konruff.)
More DisPinterest here!