DisPinterest: Ridiculous Tips & Tricks.

You guys...it's been a while since I've done a DisPinterest post! My apologies. In between getting home from Russia, a fantastic trip to New York, and getting adjusted to America again, I really haven't had much time to think about it. But there have been sooooo many good (and by good I mean baaaaad) things on Pinterest lately, I just can't pass it up.

So, let's get down to business.

We have all seen these types of pins on Pinterest--the ones with the caption that says, "Did you know an old lightbulb can be used to charge FIFTY BILLION HOURS OF ENERGIEEE WITH ONE SIMPLE TRICK?? Most people have no clue!! So glad I pinned this!!!!!!!!!!!!!1"

And half of you wants to say, "That is ridiculous," but the other half of you says, "Well, maybe...you never know..." and pins it anyway.

Well, I'm here to tell you, folks, that if MOST people haven't heard of it, there is probably a reason.

Let's start with an oldie but a goodie that I STILL see rearing its ugly head here and there:

OMG!!!! I can't believe the company that makes this battery thinks they can pull a fast one over on us!! Little did they know that we would figure out their greedy corporate trick.  Stuffing $40 worth of batteries inside another battery...genius. 

So yes, let's all go try and slice open batteries with BATTERY ACID INSIDE OF THEM with a razor blade in hopes of saving a few bucks.  Because we all know that battery companies are overpricing their batteries just for spite, amirite?? 

Seems legit to me.

Gee, we sure showed them!

AAND characteristics based on those genders.  Shouldn't we just let those poor little bell peppers be whatever gender they want to be? How discriminatory of us!

Here's the original caption: 

"Flip the bell peppers over to check their gender. The ones with four bumps are female and those with three bumps are male. The female peppers are full of seeds, but sweeter and better for eating raw and the males are better for cooking."


I'm just imagining some poor lady in the grocery store flipping over bell peppers frantically looking for the right female/male pepper combos.  Imagine how ruined her perfect stuffed peppers dish will be if she uses--*gasp!*--FEMALE bell peppers!! 

The horror! 

The humiliation! 


And here's some proof (as if you couldn't just go off of common sense alone) that it is completely FALSE.

Original caption:
"No helium needed to fill balloons for parties...just vinegar and baking soda! I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS!"

The old vinegar and baking soda trick.  Did you know that when it's combined it turns into helium?

Haha NO.  

It turns into CARBON DIOXIDE, which, as chance would have it, is heavier than air.  Which means it will NOT float.  

So, by all means, if you would like to take the time to prepare baking soda/vinegar bombs to fill up one balloon at a time and risk the chance of watery explosions everywhere instead of, I don't know, just USING YOUR LUNGS to fill up balloons since THEY WON'T FLOAT ANYWAY, be my guest.

And if you need them to float, stop being a cheapskate and pay someone to fill them with helium.

Otherwise, save this one for the science fair.

Beside the fact that the video is marketed to women (because only women would be stupid enough to lock themselves out of their car, we have too many other girly things to think about than keeping track of our keys, it's just so haaaaard), that they have someone named "Blondie"demonstrating it, and have the worst looping heavy-metal-wannabe soundtrack IN THE WORLD, this video is also clearly false.

I mean, really. Think about it.  If this stupid trick worked, why aren't we ALL doing it? 

You can read an excellent discussion on why this is such a stupid idea here.

This guy explains it perfectly:

Let's review, shall we? This can be doing one of two things.
1. Popping the door lock button up, unlocking the door.
2. Engaging the lock, popping the lock itself open.

This is patently impossible.


Start with 2. Obviously, even if you got enough air in there to move the pins (which you won't), you're not going to be able to replicate the cylinder actually turning. It would be the same as putting a key in a lock, pulling it out, and expecting the lock to be open. Never happen.

1 is where a lot of commenters (saw this on another board as well) get stuck. In theory, if the air were powerful enough, it could push the lock button up, unlocking the door. This, however, is impossible. No car door, ever, has been sealed well enough to make this happen. There are stabilizer bars for the hinges that need free air to move in, drain holes on the bottom edge for most, and trim that just isn't airtight.

Five bucks says the guy pressed the unlock button when she pushed the tennis ball. 

And finally, if you REALLY want to know how to unlock ANY car with a tennis ball, this YouTube commenter has the REAL steps:

STEP 1: Throw tennis ball away. STEP 2: Pick up a rock and smash it through the window. STEP 3: unlock car from the inside. STEP 4: Pay for new window.

For reals, people?? You think this is ACTUALLY legit?

*Sigh.*  Alright. Let's go through the reasons that this is crazy, one at a time.

Number One. Whyyyy would this be the case? Why would someone put up a stop sign that is not enforceable?

Number Two. Is it really SO hard to just...I don't know....STOP at a STOP sign?

Number Three.  If it really IS that hard, I can only assume you are not stopping because you don't want to waste time. So if you had to take time to stop at a stop sign, get out of your car, and check the BACK of the sign for a small, weathered sticker, why not just do a complete stop anyway?

Number Four.  Seriously, THAT'S the system that shows you which signs are legit? A sticker? That is going to be worn off in two days of outside weather??  

Good luck getting that ticket overturned.

Original caption: 

REALLY? To straighten hair without heat, just mix a cup of water with 2 tablespoons of BROWN sugar, pour it into a spray bottle, then spray into damp hair and let air dry. Crazy, think Im gonna have to try this.

No, it doesn't turn into a sticky mess! Why would sugar get sticky? That's just silly!

Those darn hair product companies--they want us to pay $20 for some hair straightening serum so that we don't notice that a simple brown sugar spray will keep our hair as sleek as the day it was flat-ironed to a crisp! The gall of corporations these days, I tell you what.

Who in their right minds would really think that spraying sugar water on your hair will leave you with anything other than a sticky mess and an entire spray bottle full of worthless sugar spray??

Fellow Pinners, let us be smart in our Pinterest choices.  Let us pledge to avoid pins that seem sketchy, skeevy, or too-good-to-be-true, because they probably DEFINITELY are.

And it's okay if you've fallen for one of these pins--I have created a handy "I've Pinned One of These, So How Much Repenting Should I Do?" Quiz. Just go through and count all of the ones you've pinned, and the number is your score.

If you scored:

0: Great, we can be friends.  We can be BEST friends. Forever. And ever. 

1: It's okay, everyone makes mistakes. It is good to be hopeful in finding new solutions, right? As my dad always says, "Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then." Good for you on being optimistic in hoping that one, just ONE, of these pins will actually turn out to be helpful.  But start repenting now by finding the pin you have mistakenly pinned and DESTROYING IT.

2: Ehhhhhhh...two is more than one, but less than three.  Read the answer for 1 and do as follows, and all shall be forgiven.

3: You're on a dangerous path, my friend.  Turn back now while you still can.  Repent of your ways and come back to the fold.

4: Welllllll....4 is more than three, but less than five.  You are really testing my patience here.  Read the answer for 5 and 3 and then I'll consider reconsidering.

5: I'm seriously starting to worry about your intelligence.  Did you REALLY think any of those pins would work?? Oh....you did? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...awkwardturtlerunawayrunaway

6: Just stop. Delete your Pinterest account and live the rest of your life off the grid (and, more importantly, off the internet) so you don't contaminate the rest of society with your errant ways.

In summary, be a smart pinner.  The End.

Here is a pin for your all your pinning needs. Spread the love, man!

As always, you can send me a nomination for DisPinterest to DisPinterest (at) me (dot) com. And if you enjoyed this post, you would probably enjoy reading my other posts

Don't miss out on a DisPinterest post! Subscribe to my blog via Pinterest, feedly, or bloglovin'.